GAY RELATIONSHIPS 2: DATING A PORNSTAR
This past week I did my post on Gay Relationships, so today I wanted to continue where I left off, but discuss what I feel are the best ways/things to do if you are a Gay Pornstar and want to continue to do porn while you’re in a relationship/things to consider if you DON’T do gay porn, but want to date a pornstar. I’m not sure how many of you readers will be able to relate from my perspective, but hopefully this should be some insightful reading.
I think that the easiest way for me to discuss the topics that I want to cover is to just list them (in no particular order), so listed below will contain tips that work for me and my partner (who doesn’t do ANY form of porn);
1. DON’T DO A SCENE EVERYDAY – I know that I don’t do shoots as much as some pornstars, but part of my reasoning is because I feel that if I did scenes all of the time it would deteriorate the special bond (my personal sex life) that my partner and I have. I think that if you shoot “Once/Month” is alright, but if you shoot more than that, I believe that it could become alot for your non-porn partner to handle. I usually don’t like to do more than 5 – 7 scenes(movies) per year. Obviously, this is up to each individual/couple to decide what works for you, but this is just a guide to help you go by.
2. COMMUNICATION AND HONESTY – I covered this in my last post about “Gay Relationships,” but I wanted to reiterate it again. This is HIGHLY important when dating a gay pornstar. As the pornstar I believe that it is your job to communicate when you have a scene scheduled and any details that will help put your partner at ease, or just to give them a heads up. On the flip side, if you’re the non-porn partner, you need to “Appreciate” your partner being honest and communicating with you, and NOT be “jealous” or “upset.” If you’re feelings of jealousy and anger over-power the positive feelings you have about your partner, than you may not be the type of person that’s able to date a pornstar. Also, a little bit of jealousy is understandable, but you need to remember (if your pornstar partner is like me) “THERE’S NO EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENTS” for your partner, doing a scene, which should help/make you feel “Confident” and “Secure” because your partner is choosing to be with you, like you are with them.
3. CO-STARS AND FRIENDSHIPS – This can be a hot button topic because if you’re not a pornstar, than it may be hard for you understand how you can be friends with someone you’ve “had sex with” without having feelings for them. I have many friends in the adult industry, many of whom I’ve never worked with, but some of which I have worked with, too. I think that some good rules of thumb are that you DON’T start hanging out with the person you just did a scene with ALL of the time after you’ve worked together. I personally DON’T like to shoot with my friends if we’re both in the industry and HAVEN’T worked together already. I also, believe that if you work with a friend in the industry it’s best that they DON’T live in the same city that your parnter and you do. Seeing a friend of yours that you’ve done a scene with could be alot for your partner to handle (But again this is always judged on a per relationship basis). The final thing on this topic is that I strongly advise against “Filming a Scene with a Friend/ANY Scene Partner more than ONCE.” If you film with the same person more than once, then an “emotional attachment” could actually begin to develop, and if you love your partner than you don’t want that to happen.
4. PERSONAL SEX LIFE – When doing porn it’s NOT remotely the same as having sex in your personal life. There’s no camera crew all around you. There isn’t a director telling you what position to be in and where certain parts of your body need to be for the camera angles. There’s alot that people DON’T understand about the porn industry (But I’ll get into more details in a future blog post). However, some pornstars are sex addicts, others are like myself, and every pornstar has their own reasons for doing porn. I think that an important aspect of a relationship is your “Sex Life,” because that is where you and your partner truly bond and go to your special place of euphoria and pleasure. I think that if you’re a pornstar you need to remember to keep a balance with your scenes to where you’e not worn out and DON’T want to have sex with your partner. If that ever begins to happen than you need to evaluate if you need to cut back in filming, if you want to be in a relationship, or if you want to be done filming altogether. As the non-porn partner it is totally “Unacceptable” to have to suffer in your personal sex life because you’re partner is too exhausted from doing scenes.
5. DATE NIGHT – This is something that I started doing with my partner when we met. I think that it’s really important to let your partner know that “They’re your #1,” especially after filming a scene. You might not be able to do it immediately after your done filming a scene, but as soon as my partner and I can schedule it, we do a “Date Night,” after every scene that I have, and finish the night with our “special bond” (Yes. . . Sex)! I feel that by doing this it helps reaffirm to your partner, your love for them and it’s just nice to “Re-connect” after filming a scene with some random person.
6. TESTING – This is another hot button topic, but I know that this is very important because if you do porn, you are in essence putting your partner at risk. I know that I would feel horrible if I ever infected my partner with an STD, so I do everything in my power to prevent this from happening to my partner, as well as myself. I started with Randyblue.com, whom has always required a full panel testing of all of their performers (With NEGATIVE results for everything) before they’ll allow a model to shoot a scene for them. NOT ALL GAY PORN COMPANIES REQUIRE STD TESTING, so it’s your responsibility as the pornstar to ask the production company to test your scene partner(s) before your scene. Obviously you can’t see your scene partner(s) results, but you can have it written in your model contract that your scene partners have been full panel tested (With ALL Negative results). If a company ISN’T willing to do this, than I WON’T work with them because I will NEVER put myself or my partner at more risk than is already involved. **I even offer to pay for my scene partner’s testing because as a pornstar you’re able to use the cost of testing as a “Tax Write Off”**
7. LOVE – Dating someone who is doing porn while you’re together can seem like a daunting task because of peoples judgements about you and your values, along with your own inner struggles sometimes. I know that the one single thing that will ALWAYS get you and your partner through the hard times is “LOVE.” I think that you can love someone too, but the kind of love that I feel is needed to date a pornstar, and for a pornstar to feel for their parnter, is the feeling of being “IN LOVE.” Having the burning desire to where you know that without a shadow of a doubt, the person you’re with is the love of your life, and the person that you’re supposed to be with . . . Your Soulmate.
Overall, porn is really an “Unconventional Job,” and dating someone that does porn, or being the pornstar and dating someone who doesn’t, will ALWAYS be judged by many outsiders, but it’s not as daunting as it may seem. And who knows, you could meet the love of your life, like I did with my partner, and we’re going on 3 years strong now. I hope that this helps out some couples out there and lookout for next weeks post which will be about, “GO GO DANCING.”